


Internal Life

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-17
Updated: 2004-02-17
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:45:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The gang is all seventeen.





	Internal Life

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The first day of school, in a new school. Wonderful. Why your mother should get off at your ‘spectacular’ grades and let Rev. Perkins convince her and your father to make you go to a school for reach spoiled brat!? “Because if not, my life wouldn’t be so pathetic!” Stupid, was a rhetorical question. You don’t have to answer.  
And they even can’t tell you if in this damned school there was a soccer team, if you couldn’t play soccer ever again well, is not their concern. “And in this pathetic school obviously there isn’t a soccer team. No Saint James soccer team is ever been listed in one of the last year competition.” Fuck!  
And the uniform too. What kind of boy could grow up with a little sense of himself if everybody has to look like a little salary man? Fuck again!   
“And where the fuck is this damned office!?”  
First ring of the bell. “Fuck”  
\- Oh sorry.   
Fuck again and again to the girl that doesn’t look where she’s going. “Perfect!” Ok, here we are. Blush, smile and   
\- You’re new? I never seen you! You’re not a freshman you are so tall! And you look so grown… I mean… tall.   
Look down at her, hands in the trouser pockets, smirk in place and try to bypass her without damage ... but this one is the type that can’t let go. Again in front of you. “Fuck!”  
\- By the way, I’m Daphne Chanders…. And you are?  
Try this. Bored look.   
\- On late.  
Let this sink. Look after her shoulder then right in her eyes again.  
\- So you are. I think.   
Very expressive face, really. Never seen a so perfect perplexed expression. She should take theater lesson. “Sure as hell, no soccer team but they had to have plenty of theater representation in this damned school!”  
She takes your lead and looks around her and sees that the hall is clear and everybody is in class. Ah she got it!  
\- Oh shit! Ms Le Cont is a beach with the latecomer!  
Look at her and serve her with your dismissing smile. But she’s here. Yet.  
\- So? You better go.  
\- Are you sure you don’t need help…  
\- Very sure.  
\- Oh well, in this case, bye, see you around  
+++  
Sure as hell going in the classroom escorted by the principal is quite stupid. “But what can I say, in the last year my life is between pathetic and stupid, so, what arm could it do?”  
Ok look at your new classmates. Great there she’s, theater girl.   
“Oh the bitch, I mean Ms Cont, asked me something. What I’ll do? Ask politely what she said, and act like a perfect dork, or try a possible answer, and eventually do a full of myself?” Balls boy.  
\- Alcoth, Madam.  
\- Oh this is a good school, I ear. But Saint James is the best. Take a seat Brian.   
“Goal!” So predictable. Is good to know that you can answer right without knowing what the question is.  
“Wonderful the only free place is in the line of theater girl. Well there’s somebody between us, at last. A blond with beautiful blue eyes and what a mouth… “No please it’s not the moment and the place for this kind of think to come up”  
\- Brian you don’t seam a type of many words, but you’ll see in this class everybody learn to speak. And all en fraçaise. You will become a orator. You’ll see.  
Big smile on her face.  
“Sure why not? And than we call the Pope and let him know about the last miracle”. Smile at her and see if she think is the case to go on with her lesson. Sit down and find the most beautiful eyes of the world looking at you. A very intense stare. “And what a mouth” Stop immediately this train of thought. Not again at school. Remember Sammy Dermot, and Carl Burnet and… “Ok, ok understand it, never again at school. But this, he’s really a beauty.”  
Now, now what a smile. He can’t smile without a warning! He’s so fucking…  
\- Justin was your turn to read?   
What the fuck! He turned around!   
\- Yes, Ms Le Cont.  
So he’s Justin. “It fit him”. And now why theater girl is looking at you with such a face? Justin’s her boyfriend? What a waist! And what he’d think about her little worshipping act earlier? Innocent smile for the lady with the pencil in the mouth.  
She turns around too. Good. Now I can mind my own business. “But what a voice, and blond hair and beautiful shoulder and” Not at school again! “Ok not a school again. But what a waist!”  
+++  
“God if I can live through the launch then I can go on my last classes and then go away from this crazy school. Oh look at this! After all they know what soccer is” Oh nice they have a soccer field. And there is a team too.   
\- You like soccer?   
A kid. Same age and same height as you.  
\- Yah, I didn’t know that this school had a team.  
\- Well we are only at the beginning. This is the second year we’re training.  
\- Ehi Jason! How is going?  
\- Fine Daph!  
There she is. Theater girl. But wait there is Justin baby blue eyes too. “But what a bitch after what she said to me in French classroom, here she is that take away my source of information. We’ll see”.  
\- Oh and last year? What you’ve did? Competition I mean.  
\- Ah? Oh we’ve participated to the pre qualification to the “Pittsburgh City Contest”. But we lost at the first match.  
“I can’t stop myself from laughing. Who can be eliminated in pre qualification? This boy is hilarious and the team too.”  
Now here is the coach.   
\- Hi, if you want to try with the team you can give me your name and this Friday afternoon we’ll do the selection.  
Look around you. Daphne is looking at you just like she think you don’t have the balls to try. If only she new! Soccer boy look at you like he would like to see the coach kick your ass. Laughing in is face for the last year elimination is not been a good idea.  
But Justin baby blue eyes is looking at you with curiosity and something else that if you didn’t know better could call desire.  
\- Can you tell me your name, boy?  
Ask the coach, and why not to give them a possibility? I can be generous “Sure I can.”  
\- Sure. Brian Kinney.   
He doesn’t write but look at you. “Ring any bells, Mr?”  
\- Do you participate to the last “Pittsburgh City Contest”?  
Here again Jason boy. You should try to smooth the contrast, say something good, you know.  
\- Something like that. Oh sorry now I have to go. Chemistry lesson. See you Friday.  
“What can I say I can’t be good”  
\- I’ve chemistry too. I walk with you, if you don’t mind.  
“Oh Justin baby blue eyes you are so good to me. I’m sure I could be good to you too if you let me, especially if you’re up for a stop in the man toilet on the way to the lab”.   
\- Sure, lets go.  
See you can be good too. But you are not touching him.  
+++  
“Here we are. I passed the most horrible first day of school in my life, and can I forget about it and think of something else? Nooo, because here is Michael bitching about his terrible first day of school in my old school were he is been forever and knows everybody, where his pals Ted and Emmett share every class with him, and now, after half an our, he can’t stop saying to me about how was horrific the lunch time without me, and how nasty was Terence Buster because I wasn’t there to say him to fuck of. What the hell, what is the matter with saying him fuck of yourself?!”  
\- Bri, but you’re listening to me? I swear if I’ll have another day like that, then I prefer to drop school and go to work.  
\- And become a Big Q clerk for the life? What the hell, Mickey, you can do better then this. Listen to me forget about the school and lets go to the Dinner for some fries.   
\- I don’t mean really to drop, but Terence Buster…  
“And why you say it, then?” And why he is so scared about someone who is named Terence, in the first place, and who all do is to ask him if he know, already, how to give a blowjob? “What’s the matter? Fuck him and then give him a blowjob, so he can decided by himself!”   
The Dinner at last. You’ll live. With his mount full he can’t speak so match. “Yah, take up your hope, Kinney!”   
+++  
“Attila no to little. Um Jack the Ripper?…. no he killed only a few women. Ah I find it! In my pervious life I was doctor Mengele, because sure as hell, I’m paying for all he did in this life.   
Well. Lets see. First of all there is my dad, that like to kick the shit out of me one or two time at week, just to be sure that I don’t forget that if he had his way, I was never born. But the old man is inattentive: he fail to acknowledge my mother merit, my sweet mommy that don’t let pass occasion to remember me that if she didn’t stand up for me I wasn’t born at all. The matter is she didn’t stand up for me, but for her God. Or better, for what she thinks her God is. She doesn’t give a fuck about me. And now she looks at me like I’m the Antichrist because she learned that I had a private intercourse whit Brenda Martin. What the hell, if I didn’t fuck her, how, could I knew that I prefer man? If you don’t try something you can’t say you don’t like it. I once tried tofu and sure as hell I’ll never eat this think again! What I was saying? Ah yes the reasons because I’m the reincarnation of Mengele. Let me see. I’ve a stupid sister who calls me baby brother in front of her boyfriend but this is common. Something else? Oh yes, Rev. Perkins, who can’t stand that a so good student can’t go in better school and talked my parents in to let him speak with some friend at this fucking amazing school where I’ll have a better educations.   
This one scored me an additional monthly beaten from my father that can’t stand that he have to pay the school’s bills, money that by the way I’ll have to repay in the future. Also my mom that forced me to promise her that every Sunday of this year I have to go to Church with her, so she can show around her son, student at Saint James. What the hell she forget already Brenda?  
And now we have to consider the wonderful first day in this fucking Saint James School. Lets see. A stupid girl lectured me after French class, because I don’t have been polite with her. Ok it’s true, but if I’m polite with some girl than I have to explain her why I don’t want to fuck her. And I’m not presumptuous, here. Just let’s see what happened with this football guy before lunch, when he wanted kick my ass because his girlfriend was trying to know “something about me” in my personal space. Sure, I had no problem to kick his ass, and lend him back is girlfriend who by the way I was trying to get ride of anyway, but then there was this guy, Chris Something, that lead away is friend and talked to me like I was a little kid that misbehaved. So I’d liked to kick his ass instead, but there here again Ms Le Count that try to understand my uneasiness to be in a new school. And then the wonderful soccer team that lost in pre qualification, and the story professor who believed that whispering his lesson is a good method for take our attention. But the top moment was Justin baby blue eyes. Beautiful, funny boy with a ass that cry to be fucked, I checked it very well, and I think a little attracted by me, that led me to chemistry and seat with me, and with who I’ll do all the experiment this year, that I can’t touch!! What a hell is this? Because if I try something with little innocent Justin how can I live in peace for the rest of the year? A fuck is a fuck and I can’t jeopardizes my pseudo quiet, my admission in a good college for a … a beautiful, full, soft ass. No, I can’t have another Sammy Dermot who follow me around like a puppy, or worse I can’t fall in love.” Now, now, why everybody is looking at you?  
\- What?  
\- Brian really what you’ve today? You didn’t ear a word about what we was saying.  
\- Let me see Emmett you tree was bitching about Terence Buster, Mr. Rods who called you miss Emmett and other stupid school probs.  
\- How you can call stupid school probs? We have another year to live in this school not like you that now don’t have to worry about to be a Alcoth student with some particularity?   
“I don’t have to worry? What do you think is to be the new guy at Saint James?”  
\- Some particularity? What the problem is Ted? You’re tree virgin boy! You think you tree are the only one?   
\- Don’t go smart, Brian! You weren’t even sixteen, and then already everybody on Liberty known you like the slut you are.   
\- Guys, pleeease, why you two can’t speak without kill yourself?  
\- Because, Mickey, our Theodore here is a killer fun?  
\- And you’re Fun? Please so I can kill you!?  
\- Try it Teddy boy.  
\- Actually I don’t think I’m virgin anymore.  
\- What?  
\- Look at the expression on Michael and Ted faces!? They aren’t precious? But here there’s something that need some talk.  
\- What it means that ‘you think you’re not virgin anymore’?   
\- You see Bri, this summer I’ve been to my grandparents…  
\- Could you please skip the shit and go to the fuck? I’ve to be at work in about… an our, so if you don’t mind…  
\- If you don’t interrupt me Brian. Well I was in Mississippi, and there was this guy. Tall blonde and well build. A dream really. By the way, well he told me that he didn’t think is gay, but some time he like, you know try something, and he take me to his place.  
\- Are you crazy Em? This guy could have did everything to you! He could had you killed he could have …  
\- Oh Mickey, he’s here safe and sound, or not? But, by the way I have to say that to go in the house of somebody who ‘is not gay but would like to try something’ is not a smart thing, Emmett boy.  
\- Like you, Brian boy, ever been in somebody else house for sex.  
\- Could you please go on with your story? In forty-five minutes I’ve to go too, because my mom don’t like latecomer at dinner, and I’d like to ear the end.  
\- Well Ted. Be quite. I’ll go on. Well he takes me to his place and then he make me you know, undress, and I did it, but I was so shy! He looked at me all the time and he was so sweated, and he, you know how can I say it?  
\- We know a lot of think, Em, and for how to say it, why you don’t try to put your thought in some word that we can understand, so then me and Ted can go and Mickey can give you the lecture that he’s thinking about?  
\- He was stupid! If this man...  
\- Shout up Michael. Now You Emmett, 23 minutes for Ted to go and 30 for me. GO ON  
\- Ok, ok. Well he touched me my you know my him.  
“HIM? What the fuck!” You’ve to do something here.  
\- Him. You mean he touched your dick, right? And then?  
\- Uh um. And then he was sweating more and more. You know there was really hot in Mississippi this summer   
\- Emmett!?  
\- Ok Teddy, don’t do this you too. Brian’s more then sufficient.  
“Can I ear the end of the story, and then kill him and don’t be late at work?” you don’t have to speak a look is sufficient.   
\- Ok I was saying that he was sweating and he token a hand on my you know  
\- DICK!  
\- Teddy! Don’t shout! Now everybody look at us!  
“NOW I KILL THEM!”  
\- 18 minutes. You’ve only 18 minutes to end your story. “And then I’ll kill you, anyway”  
\- Ok, Bri. I’m embarrassed you know. You never told us about your first time.  
\- Mr. Wayne in the shower at school when I was fourteen. I blew him. And the week after we fucked in his office. Now you two shout your mount and you go on with your story. NOW, I said.  
\- He was sweating so much and then he was breathing hard like he was running and his hand on is jeans on his… dick was moving fast and then like he can’t control it. And then he let go my dick. And after he moaned loud. And   
\- What it means ‘he moaned loud’?  
\- Ted! You know like a “AAAAAH”  
\- Emmett! Shhhh!! Now my mom is coming here!  
\- What’s the matter guy?  
\- Nothing Deb, here Emmett was yawning.  
\- Really Bri? I was thinking one of this virgin boys got lucky! Seventeen and no one of them ever get laid! We are lucky that we have you that make up for all of them. Ah ah ah  
\- MOM!  
\- Actually Deb…  
\- Please Bri! Sorry Deb, I won’t do it again.  
“Deb is going away with a face! I think Mickey will answer some question tonight.”   
\- Now Mississippi boy go on without interruption.  
\- Yes, yes thanks for not saying to Deb. Ok I’ll go on… where I was?  
\- Nude, in front of him when he cum in his pants touching you. Now Em 11 minutes, if your story is yet so long. Something that now I doubt.  
\- Well now  
\- You came too?  
\- Teddy!!! No. I was hard. Never been so hard. I remember… Ok Bri if look could kill… well I was hard and he  
\- He blew you?  
\- Mickey! I said without interruption!  
\- No he didn’t blew me. You know he didn’t think he’s gay, so he didn’t do something that only a gay would…  
\- 9 minutes Em now. I ask you questions and you answer me. Right?  
\- Um um.  
\- He fucked you?… Yes or no is simple Em  
\- Well, yes…  
\- Em I hope you used a condom because…  
“Michael mother-en. Why think about safe sex in this moment . I’ll kill him anyway. Now.”  
\- Well no I thought it wasn’t necessary  
“Oh my God!”  
\- What it wasn’t necessary are you crazy? There are Aids and syphilis and gonorrhea and… what? I read, you know.  
“Now Teddy boy is a little bit nervous about sexual disease … or he’s a little excited? Where is his hand?”  
\- But he told me he washed it very well!  
“Really this one is Brainless! Hope gone well but tomorrow we all go to be tested. Well rethinking it me and the stupid here”  
\- And you really believe that is ok if one washed it very well?  
“Now good point Mickey”  
\- Well he said he boiled it with water and salt.  
“?!” Shut your month you’re not cool but really??  
\- What?  
\- With water and salt are you deaf Brian?   
“??”  
\- What he boiled whit water and salt?   
\- The fake cock!  
“His first time with a fake cock?”  
\- Alt! Let me summarize he fucked you with a fake cock, that by the way he had previously boiled with water and salt, and that’s all?  
\- Yes. Ah no.  
\- No? And what’s then?   
\- I come.  
\- With the fake cock in you ass or with something else?  
\- Well the cock the most but he touched me too, you know…  
\- No really I know nothing about premature ejaculation, man who don’t think they are gay but had a fake cock that they, by the way, washed with boiled water. But now I know a think. You’re officially a bottom boy. Everybody ever knew this, but now is officially. Congratulation Mr. Honeycutt. Now I’ve really have to go. If you excuse me.  
\- Wait, Bri you never told me that was Mr. Wayne. What the hell, We are best friends Brian and  
\- You’re right, I’ll make up to you but now I’ve to go. See you guys! Bye Mickey.  
\- Wait a moment boy.  
What the fuck she intercepted you at the center of the Dinner  
\- What Deb? I’m on late for work  
\- So!? Speak fast. What was all this crap about yawn and Emmett who tell you ‘please Bri’? And don’t run away because you know that if you don’t tell me I’ll grill Michael tonight.  
“And now I’ve to decide. Let Deb grill Michael or let her grill Emmett? Let me see Mickey tormented me for all the afternoon with winning about school an Emmett, Emmett… well how to decide? Who'd I choose? ” Sure that you’ve to decide?  
\- Emmett is not virgin anymore. I mean bottom-virgin.  
\- Really? I hope he used precaution. This boy can be so…  
\- Stupid?  
\- No  
\- Brainless?  
\- Noo, Brian, I mean naïve.  
\- But you don’t have to worry. He didn’t used a condom but he take it up the ass after it was boiled in water and salt. Goodnight Deb.  
\- What!? Brian Kinney, you’re shiting me! What he takes up the ass boiled? Came here …  
\- I love to, but I have to go to work.  
\- Ehi, boy came here and do a little job for me and I give you 50 bucks, and let you come too. Ah ah ah.  
“Well, I can lose a minute for this”. Lock eyes with him, go slowly to his table, everybody in the place look at you. Good. Stop in front of him and   
-I’m sorry, sir to desert your generous offer, but another time for 10 times this amount, I can think about fucking you. If I’m high.   
Silence. Now turn around and go.   
And I’m out. On late. I have to run. Mengele, yes.


End file.
